First dates can be exciting, nerve wracking, easy or even exhausting. When meeting a new romantic interest,  it's all about the connection, vulnerability, desire, and communication. Although dating can be challenging, here are tips to help you succeed on your first date!

If you are looking for more guidance on dating, feel free to reach out to me to schedule a consultation for individual therapy.

1. Present your authentic + best self

Wear something that makes you feel both confident and at ease. This is your chance to show who you are - beyond your profile pictures/dating app profiles. Dress appropriately for the type of date you're going on so that you can feel comfortable during the date. This will show your date that you are putting in effort and that you care. While it is important to come off confident, it is also important to ensure the conversation is not just revolved around you. Make an effort to get to know your date - after all, that’s why you’re going out on a date!

2. Be present

Putting away your phone and making sure you are paying full attention to your date is key to ensuring you are making a great first impression.  If you have your cell phone out, it can be distracting and also take away from the present. Additionally,  be respectful of your date's time. If you know you are expecting a call or email that cannot wait till it’s over, plan to give your date a heads up ahead of time. They will likely thank you for it!

3. Ask open ended questions

As easy as it may be to talk about yourself, make sure to ask your date questions about themselves. Topics can include interests, accomplishments, family, friends, and career and more. When asking questions, you want to ask open ended questions. Examples of open-ended questions to ask on a first date may include something like who are the special people in your life? What is one of your favorite topics to talk about or even what part of dating frustrates you the most? Open-ended questions allow the space for someone to give more information rather than closed-ended questions which are more limited and can shut down the conversation.

4. Be aware and honor your non-negotiables 

Communication is essential for a successful date (and any future dates). Be open and honest about who you are, what’s important to you, and what your expectations are. This will allow for more vulnerability and understanding. As much as it may feel cool to say that you love watching sports to a guy, if you don’t actually, it can lead to issues down the road. Transparency is key. You may also want to reflect on what your non-negotiables are and be thinking about that when dating. Are you open to a long distance relationship if this were to arise? Are you comfortable dating someone who has been married before? How do you feel about kids and parenting? Do you only want to date within your religion? Will they be respectful and supportive of you if you don’t drink? These examples may help you think about  what’s important and then you can discuss this during your dates.

5. Set Your Own Pace

Despite what it might take you to be comfortable on a first date, you get to set your own pace. No matter what that pace is, you should communicate this and trust yourself.  If your not ready for any type of sex yet, this is completely okay. You may want to share your comfort level around intimacy/sex. Maybe you have recently got out of a relationship and aren’t ready to be intimate yet, that’s completely fine. Be honest with yourself and trust yourself. If someone doesn’t respect your pace, they aren’t for you!

6. Maintain a Balanced Attitude

Of course it is impossible to maintain a positive attitude at all points in your life. However, try to keep any negative attitudes at a minimum for first dates. It is common to go into a first date thinking of what will go wrong or that you may be wasting your time. It can be more helpful to realize that even if a date does not go as planned, it is only a few hours of your life. You may learn from this experience. You may have been able to share this story with friends and laugh about it. You may realize what you don’t want to do going forward. The best way to go on a date is thinking maybe it will be awesome, maybe it is just neutral or fine, and if it’s not I’ll deal with it then! 

For more information, or to schedule a consultation, you can contact me here.