Have you ever found yourself in an argument with your partner and not sure what to do? Sometimes, we become so triggered by something that has happened in the past that has allowed us to react differently than maybe we want to. Other times, it is because we forget the reason behind what we are trying to address and have gotten so caught up in our feelings rather than the situation. Sometimes, we don’t have the best platform to use to address our concerns; we just fuel the fire. Below are some ways to help!

If you want to talk to someone more about relationships, feel free to reach out to schedule a consultation for couples therapy.

1. Communicate

Be clear about your expectations and wishes in the relationship. If you communicate with your partner, it can make an argument actually beneficial to your relationship. Communicating will allow you to effectively share your feelings, opinions, and expectations. It can help you and your partner understand each other on a deeper level and avoid silly arguments about misunderstandings and expectations.  

2. Avoid making assumptions

Making assumptions about your partner is a thinking trap. No one is a mind reader. Assumptions about your partner can create inaccurate interpretations and lead to resentment for both people. Assumptions also lead to shutting down; we stop being open and receptive to the other person.

3. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements

Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements can help reduce hostility and defensiveness. “You” statements can provoke your partner to become more angered because it can make them feel as though they are being punished. “I” statements can allow for personal accountability which can lead to a resolution. 

4. Avoid words in conversations such as “always” and “never”

Extreme language can be very unhelpful in communicating. Extremes can make your partner feel as though you are accusing them. It can also make your partner resent you because they may feel that you do not appreciate what they do for the relationship.

5. Describe a behavior that is bothering you 

Try to focus on this behavior, rather than your partner. It is important to separate a person’s behavior from their character. Just because someone does something maybe once or a few times, does not mean they are that behavior. Describing the behavior that bothers you will allow your partner to listen and try to change, rather than becoming defensive and arguing. 

6. Ask open ended questions

Asking open ended questions can deepen your relationship. These questions express a desire for communication. They also convey respect for your partner and leave room for new ideas and solutions. Open ended questions also allow your partner to share their thoughts, whereas closed-ended questions can give you limited information.

7. Express gratitude and appreciation for things that are going well

By expressing gratitude and appreciation, you are telling your partner how much you value them. It also helps you and your partner experience more positive emotions and more pleasure from these experiences. Looking at only behaviors that irritate you without expressing gratitude for the good experiences can make your partner feel underappreciated. 

 8. If something is brewing, ask when a good time would be to talk about it

It is important to schedule a time that is convenient for you and your partner to talk. It may increase frustrations for the both of you if your partner is in a rush or in a high stress situation and you want to discuss something important. Also, it will give you time to unwind and put all your focus and energy on the conversation.

9. Be empathetic and use reflective listening 

Being empathetic plays an important role in intimacy and trust. Your partner may feel more respected by the use of empathy. Reflective listening can increase your understanding of your partner. It can also help your partner clarify their thoughts and reassure your partner that you are willing to understand their point of view. Your partner will feel as though you want to help them and want them to express their thoughts.   

For more information on couples therapy, or to schedule a consultation with me, you can contact me by clicking here.