Some of the advice we have heard from friends or family about relationships can be misguided. Each couple has their own dynamic and patterns of communication that work for them. Sometimes statements that are meant to be helpful can actually be harmful to your relationship. While the advice may be given with good intentions, not all advice is good advice.  Below are some examples!

And if you are looking to talk to someone further about your relationship, feel free to reach out to me to schedule a consultation for couples therapy.

1. Don’t go to sleep angry

While people may think that this is helpful, it is often counterproductive. Sometimes we need time to cool off and readdress things when we aren’t flooded or overwhelmed. You may need to sleep on it to really figure out what you want to say. Sleep can be refreshing and calming, allowing you a better mindset to reconnect with your partner in the morning.

2. Your partner should complete you 

Your partner should not complete you. You are not broken or lost if you are single. In healthy relationships, your partner will enhance your life and compliment you. Putting that much pressure on someone else to fulfill your worth is not sustainable. Our emotional needs go far beyond what someone else can possibly be responsible for. Your partner cannot grow for you, but they can support your growth and personal journey.

3. Just ignore your partner when it gets heated

Ignoring your partner isn’t a healthy way to communicate. If you are upset about something, you will want to address it with your partner in order to have the best outcome. Sweeping things under the rug never resolve issues. The timing of when you address things is totally your choice and it is very beneficial to speak to your partner about what is bothering you.

4. They’ll change and come around. Just be patient 

People don’t just randomly change with time. Many times people change when there are incentives or because they have reached a point where something isn’t working for them. If you expect your partner to fundamentally change who they are, they likely will not. If you hope that you can change some of the dynamics in your current relationship, that can definitely be feasible if your partner is open to it.

5. Love is enough to make your relationship work

Love is a beautiful thing. It feels euphoric. It helps us get through the roughest times. But love cannot conquer all. While you and your partner may have intense chemistry and have so much fun together, this may not be enough for a successful long-term relationship.  If your partner doesn’t value the same things as you do, this may be a dealbreaker. There may be some things you aren’t willing to budge on such as your views on children, money, politics, or where you want to live. If love means giving up your biggest life goals and moving away from what gives you meaning and purpose, it may be the best decision to leave the relationship. It doesn’t mean it’s not devastating.

Love is complicated. Love takes hard work. Love is a choice.

For more information or if you want to schedule your first couples therapy session, feel free to contact me here.