Relationships Can Still Feel Lonely
Feelings of loneliness are often not discussed between people in a relationship. We assume that our partner is our person and that this person can fulfill all of our needs. But this is not always the case... loneliness can be felt in relationships, too!
Loneliness within relationships can signal that there is something needed, within or outside of the relationship, that needs to be attended to. It may signal that you’re feeling disconnected, that you’re feeling confused, that you’re feeling a sense of discomfort, and are maybe are feeling like you are unable to talk to your partner about it. Sometimes these feelings of loneliness can be brought upon simply because of a change in communication or a life event.
If you’re interested in talking to someone about feeling lonely in a relationship, feel free to reach out to schedule a consultation for couples therapy.
Major life change can be a cause.
Perhaps the largest explanation for these feelings of loneliness is that a major life change is causing you to see your relationship in a new light -- maybe you’ve been offered a new job or a promotion, maybe you’re preparing to move in with your partner, maybe you’ve been diagnosed with a new illness. These life changes often leave us feeling the need for extra support and comfort. Sometimes, if we are feeling disconnected, we may not feel comfortable asking for support. This is how loneliness comes into play; even if you are happily in love with your partner, you can still feel disconnected, sad, and lonely at times.
Internal changes.
Loneliness in a relationship can be brought about by internal changes. Maybe you are struggling with your own mental health and are in the process of working on yourself. Many times this can feel lonely because not everyone understands how hard having a mental health condition can be. Sometimes our partners don’t fully understand the depths of what might be anxiety, depression, or OCD, which can make you feel more alone as you are navigating this. If that’s the case, it might be helpful to talk to them about how this is impacting you and how they can best support you. There are a ton of mental health resources online that may be educational for your partner. and in turn supportive for both of you.
Social media might not be helping.
With social media, loneliness can be brought upon simply by scrolling through your feed! You may begin comparing your relationship to those of what you see displayed on social media. Remember, social media is a highlight reel. The relationship that might be extravagantly romantic and exciting one evening, might actually be unhealthy and lacking communication every other evening. By comparing your relationship to what you see on social media, you may create distance with your partner because they’re unable to meet those unrealistic expectations. If you are finding yourself comparing, find ways to practice gratitude and acknowledge the things that you have as an individual and as a couple.
Practice self-reflection.
Lastly, in order to better understand why you may be feeling lonely, you may want to practice self-reflection. You may find that you are keeping your partner at a distance. Try to let them into your inner world so they can better understand you. There may be a way both of you can support each other and the relationship. It’s best to talk it through with them, so you can see how they can help and what role you play in helping yourself. If these things aren’t discussed, sometimes people resort to going outside the relationship to get their needs met. This does not have to be the case and if it is, I am here to help!
For more information on couples therapy, or if you want schedule an appointment, you can contact me by clicking here.
