Dating Anxiety: How to Make the Most of a First Date
Dating can be nerve-wracking, especially if it's your first date with someone new. These five first-date reminders will help ease your nerves so you can make the most of your first-date experiences, even when you're anxious.
Don't Underestimate the Power of Ice Breakers
If you're feeling nervous about a first date, that's perfectly normal. It's like your date is feeling the same way! However, one thing to keep in mind is that if your anxiety is interpreted as disinterest, it can make a date less enjoyable for both of you.
Planning an activity that will break the ice will help calm your nerves so you can get to know each other better. This could be something as simple as bringing a deck of cards to the park or something more structured like playing mini-golf. The key is to do something you're both interested in that provides opportunities to interact.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Keeping the conversation flowing on a first date can be difficult, especially when feeling anxious. One way to help ease your anxiety is to ask open-ended questions that encourage your date to share more about themselves.
Asking questions that can be answered with a "yes" or "no" can make dates feel like interviews, so try to avoid those questions as much as possible.
Instead, ask questions that will help you get to know the other person better and allow them to open up to you. Here are some examples of what you can ask:
What are some of your hobbies and interests?
How do you like to spend your weekends?
What kind of music do you like?
If you could visit any place in the world, where would it be?
Pay Attention to Your Body Language
Your body language is one of our most valuable tools to communicate with others. When you're on a date, you want your body language to convey that you're at ease and having a good time, as this can put your date at ease too.
Here are some tips:
Smile often and make eye contact
Lean slightly in the direction of your date when talking
Avoid crossed arms or legs
Paying attention to your body language ensures you're sending the right message to your date. So relax, have fun, and let your body do the talking!
Get Familiar with the Difference Between Your Pet Peeves and Non-Negotiables
Your pet peeves are the things that bother you on a first date but don't necessarily ruin the potential for another date. For example, your date might talk too much or interrupt you when you're trying to speak. These are frustrating, but they're not always deal-breakers, especially as it might be the first-date nerves talking!
Non-negotiables, on the other hand, are the things that will make you want to leave a date immediately. Examples might include your date being rude to the server or dwelling on exes the whole time. In other words, things you cannot tolerate in a partner.
If you need to figure out your non-negotiables, take some time to reflect before your next date. Ask yourself, what characteristics do I need in a long-term partner? Is my ego getting in the way of finding this person?
The more you know, the less of your time (or your date's time) you'll waste if it's clear from the start that there's no compatibility.
If you're not totally sold, take a second date.
Nothing is worse than going on a first date and realizing that you and your date are incompatible. But what if you're not 100% sure that's the case? Maybe you're still trying to understand your pet peeves versus the deal breakers. Whatever the reason, it's okay!
Remember, you don't have to know whether they're "the one" after date one. It's more than okay to go for a second date to determine if this person is a good match. Because no matter what happens after the second date, they are always a great learning experience.
