Couples Therapy
Couples at all stages in their relationships can benefit from learning and practicing skills to promote better communication, deeper intimacy and connection.
Have You And Your Partner Lost Your Connection?
Do you feel like you’re drifting away from your partner? Are the two of you facing a life decision but you’re not on the same page about it? Have you begun to worry about your future together?
It can feel very lonely inside a relationship when you’re not in sync with your partner. Perhaps you’re struggling to overcome infidelity or an emotional affair, or maybe you’ve gradually grown apart, but you’re not sure what’s changed or how to get things back to where you used to be. It could be that chronic illness, friction with the inlaws or addiction, in one of its many forms, is what’s causing the distance between you.
Whatever the issue is, the inability to communicate about these problems might be making everything feel worse. Rather than being able to open up to each other, you could be finding it difficult to share your true feelings because you’re afraid your partner won’t listen to you without judgment or that they’ll become defensive when you try talking about it.
This rift in your relationship is probably making things in your day-to-day life more challenging. You may be arguing more or avoiding each other so you won’t argue. One of you might be in the habit of giving the silent treatment when feelings get hurt, which in turn leads to further isolation and a lack of intimacy between you. Once things break down to this extent, one or both of you may even be seeking companionship elsewhere.
The good news? Couples therapy can bring you closer together and help you find ways to communicate more effectively.
Relationships Can Be Challenging To Maintain
Considering approximately 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce in the United States[1] (a statistic that doesn’t include couples in committed relationships who choose not to marry), it’s evident that a lot of us struggle to succeed in our relationships with our life partners or spouses. Time and time again, the common culprits for failed relationships tend to be a breakdown in communication and lack of connection. So why is this so common?
Many of us didn’t have positive role models to look up to when we were growing up. As children, our parents never taught us how to effectively communicate, and so we often bring these dynamics into our adult relationships. Because a lot of us were raised by parents who divorced each other, we should be discussing our feelings around it and modeling healthier ways of communicating, but oftentimes this isn’t happening.
Although research suggests that couples who undergo premarital counseling before getting married have a 30 percent higher rate of success in their marriage than those who do not,[2] why is it that most of us don’t seek out premarital, marital, or couples counseling? One reason has to do with the stigma we’ve imposed on ourselves when it comes to discussing our marriages with the outside world. We’re often embarrassed to admit to others that we’re experiencing problems with our partners, or we’ve been taught that when things aren’t working out, we should just break-up, separate, or divorce instead of trying to work things out.
But just because things in your relationship haven’t been going smoothly, doesn’t mean all hope is lost. By working together and committing to couples therapy, you and your partner can get back to the closeness you once shared. Imagine feeling desired, understood, and deeply connected again.
[1] https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm
[2] https://healthresearchfunding.org/20-significant-premarital-counseling-statistics/
Couples Counseling Can Help Bring You Back To Each Other
As a therapist, I recognize the challenges couples can face in their relationship and know how to help. I will work with you to improve communication, examine insecurities, repair trust, and create deeper connections in a non-judgmental and supportive environment. As we work together, you’ll be able to express your needs, desires, and expectations more effectively. There are always two sides to every story, and rarely is there an absolute right or absolute wrong, so we will focus on strategies that will emphasize unity over discord.
Couples therapy is about more than just communication. It’s often about identifying patterns that have probably been in place between you for years and finding healthier, more positive ways to move forward together. It’s also about learning to be on the same team and not being opponents. And therapy isn’t only for couples in conflict—it’s a powerful tool for any couple to create a healthy framework for how to handle whatever challenges that arise, or to evaluate whether or not you are well-suited to enter into marriage before making the leap.
At our first session, we will talk about what has brought you to couples therapy and what you’re hoping to get out of our work together. We will customize goals that are specific to your needs, for example, strategies for coping with emotions, communicating effectively to better express your feelings to one other, or how to talk about sex more openly and honestly.
Through my advanced training as a couples therapist, I have combined several modalities including the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and Psychodynamic and Attachment Theory, depending upon your needs and personalities. I have found that being integrative in this way allows me to focus on the unique needs of each couple, versus applying a cookie-cutter approach to your therapy.
The Gottman Method is a science-based approach that will assess your relationship and then identify interventions to help you strengthen your relationship in three primary areas: friendship, conflict management, and creation of shared meaning.[1] EFT is attachment-based therapy that helps you feel more connected and teaches ways to reorganize emotional responses to better understand and express your own wants and needs. And psychodynamic attachment therapy examines your past histories to better understand how they’re impacting your relationship.
Change is possible. You can discover a different way of being, living, and relating to each other. And you can learn ways to be open and honest with each other that you might have been scared about in the past, to share what you truly want, and to have a satisfying sex life. In fact, after couples therapy, you might feel more connected than you ever have before.
But you may still be wondering whether couples therapy is right for you…
What if I can’t get my partner to come to couples therapy?
I always suggest you begin by letting your partner know how much you value the relationship and that’s why you want to work on making it the best it can be for both of you. Frame it positively and describe what you think each of you will gain from a more connected and satisfying relationship. You can always take things slow and let them know they only have to commit to one session initially to see if they think further therapy would be beneficial.
I’m afraid the therapist will take sides and I’ll feel outnumbered.
I understand how important it is that both of you feel comfortable during our sessions to make progress, so I strive to make this a priority. My gentle and flexible approach to therapy will put you and your partner at ease and provide you a safe space to express your concerns without fear of any bias. I never take sides—I am rooting for you as a couple for the best outcome that fits your shared goals.
I’m reluctant to go to couples counseling because I don’t want to feel judged.
I have seen many things in my experience as a therapist; so trust me when I say that no subject is off-limits. My aim is to make our couples therapy sessions a non-judgmental environment where neither of you will feel like you have to hold back on what we talk about. And I will foster a space where both of you can be truthful and honest about your feelings with no fear of judgment or reprisal.
It’s Time To Reconnect With Your Partner
Working to improve the relationship with your partner is one of the most worthwhile investments you’ll ever make. Intimacy, connection, and communication are attainable when you decide to commit to therapy. For a free, 15-minute consultation, please feel free to contact me.
