Narcissism 101: Understanding Narcissistic Behavior In Relationships
Narcissism exists on a spectrum. We all fall somewhere on this continuum. Some amount of self-seeking nature is healthy. Any personality trait that is taken to an extreme can become pathological and result in Narcissistic Personality Disorder. When it presents as maladaptive, it becomes problematic. It usually shows up as someone who lacks empathy, is entitled, arrogant, manipulative, needs excessive admiration/praise, and prioritizes themselves above all else. They often don’t care how they hurt others as long as they get their way. They often want to win at all costs and will do whatever it takes to prevent themselves from failing to get what they want in any situation. People who are narcissistic tend to see the world in black and white terms and have little room for emotional flexibility.
If you want to talk in more detail about narcissism in your relationship, feel free to reach out to schedule a consultation for individual therapy.
What is NPD?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - A disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance which interferes with functioning in all aspects such as relationships, work, and finances. Some people may not be diagnosed with NPD because they do not meet criteria for NPD and often they do not seek help. However, people can exhibit narcissistic traits even without an NPD diagnosis.
Why are some of us drawn to this?
People who are narcissistic can be incredibly charming, engaging, and likable when you first meet them. At first, you may be drawn to this magnetic personality and allow this person to be in control because you truly are so enchanted by their affection that you want to please them. Later, you may find yourself relinquishing control out of fear. You may feel as though you cannot voice your opinions, especially if they differ from that of your narcissistic partner, without putting your relationship in harm’s way. You may then start to feel isolated and scared, like you’re walking on very thin ice.
Signs you may be dating a narcissistic person:
The beginning feels magical… almost like a fairytale
Narcissists can be hard to point out because their first impression is often charming, confident and charismatic. They might have started the relationship calling often, giving endless compliments, and telling you they loved you right away. This is known as “love bombing.” They have made you feel like the most important person in the world by showering you with affection and have made it feel like this was the perfect match.
Once the relationship begins, there is a flip in their behavior
The narcissist has now gotten you to be committed to the relationship. They are not overly affectionate anymore; they are likely to show their true colors and they become less attentive to you and the relationship. You may notice they are more aggressive in nature and less affectionate and loving.
You feel controlled
Narcissists like to be in control. Before you know it, they are controlling when, where and what you do. Narcissists often use gaslighting, a form of manipulation and emotional abuse. Gaslighting is their way of gaining power and control of your mind by distorting your reality. Signs of gaslighting include no longer feeling like the person you used to be, making excuses for your partner’s behavior, always thinking it is your fault when things go wrong, and questioning your responses to your partner.
They do not have deep and intimate relationships
Many narcissists do not have real or deep friendships. Instead, they might have acquaintances, superficial friends, and of course enemies. This can cause them to try and create a divide between you and your friends, and sometimes even family, by making you feel guilty for making plans or criticizing you for the types of people you hang out with. This is their way of creating a distance between those and the ones you trust, giving them more power and control.
They often have anger outbursts if criticized
Fighting with a narcissist often leaves you believing that you can never win. You may feel as though your partner does not hear you, will not understand you, and will not take accountability for their actions.
It can be extremely difficult to recognize that your partner has narcissistic tendencies. They may be physically attractive, charming, bright, and successful. If you suspect you are dating a narcissist, speak to a therapist. Getting out of this relationship can be very difficult on your own, due to their manipulative nature. We are here to help!
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